hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
