Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize