I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize