Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
