I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
