Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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