My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize