he wants to bone in the snuggie
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
