Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
bring money and cleavage
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
