i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
