Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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