Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
