Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
