you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
