let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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