Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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