First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
