Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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