Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
