Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
