i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i think im in europe. pls send help
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
