he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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