I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
