It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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