bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
