my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
