Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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