i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
