I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do herpes really smell.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
