I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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