I think im going to throw up on grandma
thus making me awesome and them whores
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
