Your tits are I can't wait for
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
