think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm passing your future prison.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
