I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
