I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ttyl tear gas
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
