Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
