Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
