I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize