ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
