my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
