worst night to have a conscience
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize