Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
