so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
