Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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