It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
NoShamevember. You game?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
