it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
