I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
