Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
