he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
