Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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