Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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