jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
