Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You took a bar mat shot.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
