i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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