told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
