i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
