Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
