**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize