Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
