I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is wine microwaveable?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
