you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
