his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are all done wearing pants today
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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