I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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