God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
