I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
