I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
